So I’m having problems downloading the photos I took to go with the latest blog I wrote. And I probably won’t be able to fix this problem for a week because of family camp. Which leaves it looking like I won’t be able to post that blog tonight like I planned.

Come high tide or high water or high horses, I always post a blog a week!

So now here I am late at night–late for me anyway– trying to throw something together that might encourage you. I sure would like this train of thought I’m now riding to encourage me. After messing with my broken blog when I have a hundred other things to do, and still coming up unable to load the photos, I told God in a peeved little burst of temper that it was his blog anyway! I’ve given my writing to him! And in the midst of my peeved little burst of temper, number two son, our 11 year old who is way too old to throw a frisbee in the house, threw a frisbee across the living room and knocked my “WRITE” rock off the fireplace mantle. The little, white rock I found on New Years Day broke in three pieces, and with my computer broken too, and my husband laughingly saying, “It’s an omen, you need to give up writing!” I walked away from my computer thinking, maybe I really do need to give up writing.

I’m good at selling fruit. I’m not convinced I’m good at writing. At least the kind of writing that actually inspires people.

So after throwing a load of laundry in the wash and doing the dishes, I returned to my computer to give it another go. The pictures still wouldn’t load on the blog post I wrote, but in this new window here I was able to pinterest the photo at the top, which really spoke to me because stress was making me feel like I needed to post that other blog right now when apparently it wasn’t God’s timing.

Or maybe God has nothing to do with my computer problems. Maybe my computer just suddenly broke and I’m way too impatient tonight with the whole thing. And maybe my broken “WRITE” rock is just a broken “WRITE” rock. Instead of leaving it on the counter to look at my rock in all its brokenness, I just need to throw the rock in the trash and trust in God’s new mercies in the morning.

Doesn’t it just drive you crazy when your computer lets you down? I guess it could be worse. A friend could let you down, or a spouse could let you down, or God could let you down.

In church tonight for a few pitiful moments I sat there thinking God had let me down.

The reasons I thought this aren’t nearly as important as the outcome of this pitiful thinking. Because when I realized I was thinking God had let me down, I slapped myself. Okay, I didn’t really slap myself in church, but mentally I slapped myself. With communion in hand– a tiny cracker and plastic thimble full of red grape juice– I slapped myself. Really fast. Really hard. And really in an imaginary way.

Only in an imaginary way because if I started slapping myself in a real way in church it might upset people.

But really, the truth is God has never let me down. How could God let me down when I’ve only walked with him for fourteen years since Jesus saved me? That’s like being a junior high student with God. What does a junior high student know anyway? In junior high kids are all caught up in themselves, thinking mostly about themselves.

Bingo!

In church, I was thinking mostly about myself. My hardships. My hangups. The things that haunt my heart. I wasn’t thinking about the big picture. And I wasn’t thinking that it might take a little more time than 14 years to make all things new in my life like Jesus promises. And maybe overall, my life of 46 years so far isn’t the big picture, either. Maybe God’s not done yet with these things I think he’s let me down about.

Maybe God’s timing just isn’t here yet.