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Dust Devils

An Autumn day, crisp blue sky, painted leaves adorning the trees. I ride the mare confidently now. We’ve gotten to know each other. Her ears turn with a longing to obey my commands. I’ve learned her nuances. The easy grace of her stride when relaxed. The way she tenses up nervous. A rustle through grass sharpens her. The dog darting from behind produces caution in her step. Overhead a red-tailed hawk swirls on this slow-moving Sunday afternoon. I am eager to see my brother on the farm across the way and push the mare faster to get to him. All is well until the mare’s ears prick. In […]

By Paula October 19, 2011

A Merciful Marriage

On Saturday Scott mowed the lawn. We have a riding mower and a huge front and back yard. I was busy with other chores along with minding the children, so didn’t notice

By Paula October 11, 2011

The Mare

The plow ripped deep, tearing to the heart of the soil, creating the impassable. I ride the edge of this destruction, my horse with her nose to the ground, nostrils wide. She senses the danger of land turned inside out. She is an animal of legs. To run is her protection. And her peace. Instinctively, my mare avoids the four-feet deep crevices, the waves of clods rolling into sunset. This is not the normal plow. Deep ripping has happened here. And my delicate mare is not built for this. She knows it and I know it. Most of the day my little mare waits in the protection of her corral. With the […]

By Paula October 6, 2011

Road Maps

He held his little girl on his lap by the campfire. A big, strong cowboy raised by a hard daddy. “I don’t believe in scaring kids,” he said. “My daughter won’t be playing that “Scare” game.”I’d grown up with the Scare game, and terror filled me each time Scare happened. The game occurred every summer at our cabin. Dark would fall and fathers fueled by alcohol would hide in the meadow and surrounding woods waiting for us kids to find them. Huddled together, we kids would tiptoe along, out of our heads with fear, looking for the wild-eyed daddies and the bears. To my great relief, we never […]

By Paula September 29, 2011

Mom and Eggs

I tuck the chicken eggs, warm from under the hen, in the turned up hem of my T-shirt. Carry them against my belly to the house. Spill them onto the counter as gently as possible. Some go into the fridge. Several I crack onto a frying pan. These delicate eggs will somehow nourish my sons today. How does something so fragile bring health to children? I wonder this about myself: the mother I am. Often I feel small and tired in the tumble of my home. Most nights I fall into bed bone weary. Perhaps five boys does this to a person. These budding little men are a […]

By Paula September 18, 2011

Just A Little Girl

She came early all the way around. I was young and already the mommy of a toddler. Married to a boy in the Army. At seven months pregnant, I flew home from Germany with our little one on my lap because we could only afford one ticket and the flight over-booked. Twenty-four hours of travel put me in premature labor. A few weeks later in the middle of the night, my water broke more than a month before my due date. The little blue baby fighting for life arrived.Eighteen years later, I often still feel helpless with her. She’s a normal girl […]

By Paula September 12, 2011

Ten Things Money Can’t Buy

It’s been an eye-opening summer. A number of power surges blasted our house, killing appliances like flies come rain. Four different repairmen put their hands in our pockets on account of the surges. These repairmen would have found only lent and perhaps a pacifier if my parents hadn’t loaned us the means to fix the essentials. Our clothes dryer was not deemed essential. A rope now runs the length of our backyard. The longest clothesline in California. Trouble has also plagued our vehicles. The transmission crashed in our old Suburban last week. It’s taken about four thousand dollars in the past three months to keep this decade-old Chevy on the road. Scott’s truck has a broken air conditioner. But […]

By Paula August 31, 2011