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Trail Guides

The Pacific Crest Trail (PCT) runs from Mexico to Canada. A section of it twists past Sierraville, California, near my parents’ cabin on Jackson Meadows Reservoir. I know this part of the PCT by heart, thirty miles of mountain terrain with meadows covered in purple wildflowers and cliffs jagged with crags. I’ve only seen the trail in summertime. Winter in the Sierra Nevadas can kill you. Most people walk the Pacific Crest Trail, but there’s nothing like it from a saddle with sunshine on your hair and a sweaty horse beneath you. I’ve ridden the PCT many times. On my […]

By Paula April 11, 2014

Earning Love and Living Grace

This little girl sure brings back memories. With her tiny horse, and tiny saddle, and tiny boots stomping off. Give me a pony and a wide open pasture and watch me ride away. When I was little, my dad always said I was my own person, and spanked me for it often. Looking back, I can see when it happened: the day I lost my way and developed a fierce need to please people. This path I picked the night my brother and I did push ups. After watching Wild Kingdom and Walt Disney and eating potato soup with […]

By Paula April 4, 2014

Of Boys and Dogs

I can even make him smile. Buck our English lab. The dog I’ve trained. The three-year-old beside him does not smile on command. Cruz does nothing on command. He’s the commander of his own country. The country I live in. The one I’m trying to take back. It drives me to my knees. And I need to confess this right up front. Years ago, I learned something training dogs. There are dogs you can train. And then there are dogs that all but train themselves. If you want to look like a really good dog trainer, find the dogs that […]

By Paula March 26, 2014

Created for Community

When I went away to college, my grandma called me. After I married and Grandma became a widow, she called me even more. Once I had babies, she called all the time. “Please let me come live with you,” Grandma begged after my uncle put her in a nursing home. “In my day, we took care of our old folks,” said Grandma. “This generation just throws old people away. Let me come and help you with the babies.” At the time, in my twenties, I was struggling to be a mom to two little girls, while writing nearly full-time for […]

By Paula March 20, 2014

Planting Chestnuts

I want to tell you a story our pastor told us in church a few weeks ago. Once upon a time an old man was planting chestnut trees in the forest. A king came along and said, “What are you doing, you old fool? By the time these trees get big enough to drop chestnuts, you won’t be here to eat them.” The old man replied, “If I thought like you do my king, I’d never have enjoyed a chestnut. I’m planting these trees for the next generation. So the children will have chestnuts.” Fifty years ago, I wish someone […]

By Paula March 13, 2014

Hummingbirds and Tow Trucks

Our anniversary trip to the ocean didn’t go as planned. Kind of like marriage. Kind of like the weather last weekend. One moment rain, the next sunshine. I didn’t get to see Muir Woods like I wanted to, and we didn’t make it home in our own vehicle, but we had a wonderful trip, nevertheless. The highlight: meeting a tow truck driver with a skull and cross tattoo on the back of his bald head and a longing for Jesus in his eyes. But first the rain, and then sunshine, and rain again. And here is what I realized watching […]

By Paula March 7, 2014

These Mornings With You

So many things didn’t work out on our 25th wedding anniversary, but not the morning. Never the morning. Maybe this is the secret ingredient to our marriage. I’ve never had high expectations. I married you because the thought of waking up with someone else undid me. I played this scenario out in my mind when we were young. When I tried to let you go. Tried to date other guys. Nice guys who would make nice husbands. I’d get through dinner. A movie. Maybe even midnight… but how could I not wake up with you? I imagined meeting someone else. […]

By Paula February 26, 2014