Scott calls them my imaginary friends. I talk about my book characters like they’re real people. Doing real things. Learning, loving, sometimes dying. My characters actually make me cry. Or get mad. Or whoop with joy. I know. I’m a nut job, but novel writing is my favorite. Especially the first draft. For me it’s like watching a movie in my head, and I’m just typing along, trying to keep up with a rolling film.

In the industry this is called “seat-of-your-pants” writing. I’m not a plotter. I’m a pantser. Writers actually talk this way at conferences. When a bunch of writers get together they will ask each other, “Are you a plotter or a pantser?” Every time I hear this it reminds me of being pantsed my freshmen year of high school in front of the varsity football team.

A group of us freshmen girls were standing there in our sweatsuits after gym class watching the boys practice their drills. I think my sweats were pink and came from K-Mart. Two older girls walked up and grabbed me and yanked my sweats down to my ankles in front of all the boys just a stone’s throw away. Like a five-year-old’s stone throw away. We were standing right at the edge of the football field. It was horrifying. My cheeks still burn when I think about that day.

So I never say “I’m a pantser” at conferences. I could never be so cruel. I always say, “I’m not a plotter,” leaving the rest to their vivid writer imaginations. But the truth is, I love being a “pantser.” My characters are so real to me. Sometimes I will battle a character trying to make him bad when he turns out good or visa versa. Sometimes I think a character is one way, and the character quickly shows me they aren’t that way at all. “Look, I sometimes tell a character, “Shape up! I’m in charge here.” The character gives me a grin and goes on doing it their way in the story and I keep writing, chasing my characters like I used to chase Cruz, my runaway toddler, a few years ago. Hardly able to keep up and feeling like an inadequate mom.

Often, I feel like an inadequate writer while crafting novels.

The story spinning out and away from me is so good, but I don’t know if I can get it down the way it’s coming out. I’m not sure if I’m ever going to really hack it as a novelist. Time will tell. But I’m having fun trying.

So yesterday, I was driving down the road when it hit me. Something terrible was going to happen to Maria, the heroine of Book II in the California Rising series. My eyes actually filled with tears and I argued with God about this as I turned down the radio to collect my thoughts.

“I don’t want to do this to Maria!” My heart hurt just thinking about this gut-wrenching scene. Sixty pages into my new story and Maria’s already taken some hard knocks. But I had to admit the plot twist explained why Maria, a twenty-year-old young woman in Book II, was about to go from bad to worse in San Francisco in 1849. She isn’t like Rachel at all, the sweet, rather submissive heroine of my first book. Maria is a handful.

See why Scott calls them my imaginary friends?

Anyway, the plan is to release my debut novel: Until the Day Breaks on Mother’s Day weekend. My friend KJ who reviews books on her website http://katherinescottjones.com/ suggested it. She invited me over to her fabulous site for an author interview in honor of Mother’s Day. Since my goal has been to release this book for my daughters, Cami and Lacy’s birthdays. Cami’s birthday is April 24th and Lacy’s birthday is May 20th.

I never can keep birthday presents a secret. Ask all my kids. They always get early birthday presents from me because I can’t wait to give them their gifts. I’m terrible. Like a little kid. “Come on, open it now,” I always say practically begging them to rip open their gifts.

As our kids have gotten older they’ve begun to tell me, “Mom, save it! I’m not going to open it now. It’s not my birthday yet!” I hate how my kids act more grown up than me. I liked it so much better when they were little and both of us would be so excited over the presents. Now I’m the only one excited over their birthday gifts. It’s just not fair. At least our younger boys still appreciate my early gifts and get excited with me.

So on that note, I wanted to introduce you to Rachel, the heroine of Until the Day Breaks. Isn’t she pretty?

 

I named her Rachel because the first American woman to make California her home in the 1800’s was Rachel Larkin. Her husband Thomas Larkin is featured in the story, he plays a huge part in California’s early history, but Rachel Larkin does not make an appearance. She did in one of my first drafts of the novel but I cut that chapter out to keep the story moving briskly.

Anyway, I’m excited and kind of terrified about releasing this book soon on Amazon. Thanks for bearing with me my friends as I share my angst and excitement with you.

What are you excited and kind of terrified about in your life right now?

Our son, Luke, is graduating high school in just over a month. I’m kind of terrified of that too.

Do you have a child about to launch into the world? How about a baby about to launch from your womb? Maybe you’re about to make a big decision and you need God’s guidance.

I’m thinking of you today. Praying for you today. While recovering from my melanoma surgery a few years ago, I decided I was done living scared. After cancer, I vowed to live brave for the rest of my days. At the time, I didn’t realize this just meant I was done letting fear hold me back. I thought the fear would go away and I’d just be brave. But that hasn’t happened. Now I do things afraid. The fear is still there, but I tell it to get out of my way, I’ve got a lot of living to do.

You’ve got a lot of living to do too.

Always remember, If God is for us who can be against us? Romans 8:31.