Jacob came from the womb grasping his brother’s heel. I was born grasping too. Wrestling for my birthright: life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. For years I thought the American dream was true. And I had to fight for it. Make it happen. But instead sin happened, bringing death, slavery, and the pursuit of emptiness.  

And then I was saved. Born again. Joined the church. And as the years rolled by, I found myself grasping all over again. Esau’s heel. Make it happen. In the company of other make-it-happen Christians.

Then sin happened. Pride, pain, and the pursuit of self amid God’s people. And I felt alone. Bone weary and alone, but for God…

“So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till day break. When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that the hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.”

But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” The man asked him, “What is your name?” Jacob answered, “Jacob.” Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome.”

Jacob said, “Please tell me your name.” But he replied, “Why do you ask my name?” Then he blessed him there. So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, “It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared.” 

The sun rose above him as he passed Peniel, and he was limping because of his hip.” Genesis 32:24:31.

And now I limp, though God has brought me healing, and I am grasping no more, I limp. A wound given to teach humility. To remind this Christian “… the children are tender and that I must care for the ewes and cows that are nursing their young. If they are driven hard just one day, all the animals will die. So let my lord go on ahead of his servant, while I move along slowly at the pace of the droves before me and that of the children” Genesis 33:13-14.

And I embrace Esau, the sinful man, my lost brother, and I weep. Weep for the legalism I have lived. In the church. In the grocery store. In my own home. Driving my children too hard. Driving myself mad grasping a hellbent heel. A birthright as broken as “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” Making it happen until God happened.

“There Jacob set up an altar and called it El Elohe Israel (the mighty God of Israel)” Genesis 33:20.