If you’ve seen Top Gun, you might recall the scene in the movie where Cougar turns in his wings.

Cougar is an elite fighter pilot, but he loses his edge holding too tightly to the family he loves.

Cougar’s fall from grace leaves the Top Gun slot open for Maverick, and the rest is 1980s cinema history.

Lately, I’ve been feeling like Cougar, holding too tightly to those I love.

Sickness has revealed this. Every hour checking on my children. Wiping brows. Distributing Motrin. Keeping little ones in my lap.

The days long
The nights longer
A mother’s vigil becoming a life vest
keeping me afloat
but also preventing me
from swimming to the shore
of His assurance.

The will of the Lord is not an easy thing. And often it is discerned far out at sea in the storm. When the wind and waves overwhelm. No land in sight. And strength gives out.

A mother’s strength

And the storm is finally accepted…

As His grace
His mercy
His love…

too strong
to leave me tethered
to losing what was
never mine to keep.