I want to share something with you that changed my life years ago… do the hard thing.

Raising kids is hard. I thought having them was hard. Seven pregnancies all with complications, a few life-threatening, and then the babies. And lack of sleep. Becoming a mom messed with me. It messed up every plan I had. I was too tired to write. Too tired to fix my hair. Too tired to keep up with my friends. I became a megamom because that’s all I did. I momed it into the ground.

Putting your spouse first is hard. Once the babies arrived, Scott took a backseat in my affections. “Please don’t touch me, I’m touched out,” I remember telling him after our third baby. He didn’t understand why I had zero sex drive. I was too tired to do anything but take care of our three small children. But I learned to meet the needs of my husband anyway. Even when I was tired. I saved the little energy I had left for him. Which meant friends and hobbies were pushed even farther out of my world. Writing became a distant dream. I quit my newspaper job which I had loved to give my husband the last of my energy. In other words, my spouse’s needs triumphed over my own.

I know if you’re a young wife and mom you don’t want to hear this. Dying to yourself is so painful. You don’t even know who you are anymore. You’ve sacrificed so much to be married, to be a mom. When is it your turn? When will your life be about you?

If you’re a Christian, it will never be about you. It is always about Christ and your neighbor. Your closest neighbor is your spouse. Your kids. Jesus will give you the grace to live for him, which means living for the good of others. Love God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself will become who you really are. What you really do.

And maybe when your kids start school you will get to do some you stuff. Maybe when all your children leave the nest your hobbies will return like the cows coming home. But maybe they won’t. Because by then you become a grandma and put your grandchildren before all the things you once loved because you love them more.

Forgiving those who hurt you is hard. This was really difficult for me. What does forgiveness really look like? Is it setting a table for your enemies? Do you really have to love your mother-in-law and welcome her into your home and prepare nice meals for her?

You really do because Jesus says to love your enemies, so start loving your mother-in-law or anyone else you really long to hate. Get on your knees and pray to love. Loving my mother-in-law taught me how to love everyone else. Because once I loved her, I could love an ax murderer.

Writing a book is hard. I can’t tell you how many people have told me they want to write a book. Like they want to ride in a hot air balloon. Like all you have to do is get in and start typing. And maybe you can. There are people out there really good at writing books. Some of these people don’t even know they can write a book yet. But most people don’t realize how hard it is to finish a novel. Just keeping your butt in a chair for all the hours it takes to craft three hundred pages that hold together is really hard.

Eating healthy is hard. And expensive too. I spend a ton of money on vitamins and wholesome food because I want to stay healthy. Resisting the temptation to run through McDonalds for french fries is hard. Trail mix in a baggie on my passenger seat just doesn’t taste the same, but I’m getting used it.

Name your hard… go ahead, name it right now. What is hard in your life? We all live in a swamp of pain and problems on this earth. The older you get, the more pain and problems come your way. You think raising babies is hard, wait until your kids become teenagers, or young adults and all you can do is watch them make mistakes and cry and pray for them.

My pediatrician Dr. Marks once said, “You just hope they don’t get a tattoo on their forehead because that leaves a mark.” When your kids get older they do things that leave a mark. Some of these marks last the rest of their lives. And you as a parent told them not to do that because it would leave a mark, but they don’t listen to you. They have to learn the hard way and it’s painful because you love your kids and you would have protected them from that tattoo on their forehead.

In the swamp of your life there are alligators. I pray you wrestle your alligators to the shore. I pray you don’t drown in your hard. I pray you will turn your alligators into boots and walk away smiling because your hard has become a highway driving you towards your ultimate happiness.

I’ve spent thirty years making sacrifices. Dying to myself to be a good wife. A good mother. I decided in my twenties to put my family first. To let all other things fall away. That was really hard. Really painful. But today I have a husband who loves me. A family who loves me. For years I took care of them, now they are taking care of me. My marriage, my large, rambunctious family are my delight.

Doing the hard thing will bring you happiness in the long run. Trust me, it’s true. Do the hard thing now. It’s worth it.