I usually rise early. Before dawn. Before the rooster crows. Before my eyes are really open. Most days I don’t even think about the sunrise because I’m making school lunches, finding the boys’ backpacks, starting the laundry, and shoving toast in the toaster.

But once in awhile a sunrise surprises me. Usually on a day when I really need to see beauty. I never really understood this need for beauty until life got hard. Sure, I liked beautiful things, but I didn’t savor beauty, didn’t thirst for beauty like a man in the wilderness thirsts for water. Pure, clean, living water.

The past few years have been a walk in the wilderness. I’m hoping for happy times to return this year. So I welcomed in the new year with a lot of hope. Hope is my word for 2016. “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him.” Romans 15:13. 

We went down to the ravine and gathered our rocks as we always do. This year we took some dear friends from our weekly Bible study along. Erin chose trust. Here is my “hope” rock.

And I’m still hoping for a good year with January ending. I’d like to start Feb. 1 as the kick off of my new year. Why? Because the hard of the past several years has followed me into 2016.

Miss Kay has a tumor on her spine. I’ve told all of you how I can’t live without Miss Kay so please pray she will be just fine and back up on her feet helping everyone the way she always does after they do surgery to remove the tumor in February.

And yesterday, I went to a funeral for another dear friend’s dad. I had to take Cruz along because he has a rip-roaring ear infection. Four-year-olds at funerals are kind of hard. And ear infections don’t allow anyone to sleep through the night. One of our boys or I have been sick since the first week of December. I’m sick of sickness.

And I had to break my contract with my literary agent last week. That was a hard email conversation because I love my agent. For the first time in ten years, I’m an agentless writer. I kind of feel free, but wonder if I’m really in a freefall now. Like this is the beginning of the end of my writing career. Not that I’ve ever had much of a writing career, but I’ve told myself for years when my babies are all in school, I’ll give my writing dream my all.

Next year Cruz will be in kindergarten. For the first time in 25 years I won’t have a little one under my feet at home. But by next year the dust may have settled with going Amazon, and I could be falling headlong into farming instead of writing.

So about sunrises… yesterday morning as I stumbled out of bed to make the boys lunches, I noticed clouds in the predawn sky. Here’s the thing about clouds, it’s the clouds that make for great sunrises. So I kept an eye on that sunrise, waiting for it to bloom. I kept looking out the window as I went about my chores, and finally gave up on it, because grey was the color of the day.

After the boys left, I settled down to read my Bible before Cruz got up. The dogs had wanted to run when it was still dark outside, and now they sat at the door, gently scratching with their big yellow paws, their polite way of knocking.

I tried to ignore our labs for awhile because I wanted to finish reading before Cruz would demand a movie and toast and all of my attention. Needless to say, I was a little annoyed with Nala and Buck when I rose from my chair to let them in.

Upon opening the front door, the sunrise hit me between the eyes. There it was mostly golden, with some orange and lavender thrown in. I ran for my iPhone to get this picture, then after snapping it, just stood on the porch thanking God. Feeling so stupid and thanking God because I’d nearly missed all this glory and beauty.

Before I got up to open the door, I’d read in my Bible, “You shall make them for glory and beauty,” Exodus 28:40. God was instructing Israel’s first priests on how to dress when they came into his presence. He told them to create clothes for glory and beauty. But in my new journaling Bible I wrote alongside this passage: “Please Lord, let me write for glory and beauty.”

With my writing, it feels like it’s now or never. Have you ever felt that way? Like your dream has dawned and you just might miss it? The train’s pulling into the station, but you’re not sure if you’ll make it on board and find your seat and get to where you hope to go?

I can’t tell you how much I needed that sunrise. And I’ve made this mistake before. Expecting a sunrise too soon, then giving up on waiting for it, and going about my business nearly missing all that glory and beauty.

In that sunrise it felt like God saying, It’s going to be okay. Better than okay. I am the God of hope. The God of glory and beauty. Is anything too hard for Me?

Then the day passed, and that night, Luke brought home an envelope for me. I’d already went to bed, so I didn’t find it on the counter until the following morning. Inside that envelope was a special gift and a note from one of you who follows this blog. Can I just tell you friend how much your special gift and note meant to me? I will keep it beside my writing desk and cherish it forever. You said, “Reach for the stars.” And I will. Thank you precious writer friend!

And thank you to all who commented or emailed me last week encouraging me to go Amazon. The one thing I’ve decided is I will not live in regret. I may live in failure when it comes to a writing career, but I won’t live in regret.

Yesterday on Facebook, I saw this video I posted below. It’s about regret.

What is your biggest regret?

I regret the sunrises I didn’t wait for. The college degree I didn’t get from University Nevada-Reno. Just two classes to graduate, and I didn’t finish that English degree because I was arrogant. Because I didn’t think I needed it to be a good writer.

You know, I didn’t need it to be a good writer. But I needed it to be a good daughter. My parents paid for every penny of my college, and I let them down. I regret that.

I regret not spending more time with my grandmas when they were old. They spent a lot of time with me when I was young. I should have returned the favor.

I regret not having more energy for my teenage daughters when they were in high school. I was knee deep in babies when the girls were in high school. Those years with our daughters passed by in a blur.

What is your biggest regret?

Now I want to turn this around. What is your biggest surprise? That good thing that happened to you that you can’t get over? That sunrise of glory and beauty?

I can’t believe Scott and I have seven kids. Really, when they are all together at our table, or taking up a whole row at church, or playing football in our front yard, I still am amazed they came out of my scrawny little body one at a time and I lived to tell about it. This is my biggest surprise.

Please pay special attention to the end of this video about regret. The clean slate end.

You get a do over. A start over. A begin again day.

What do you want to begin in your life?

I love how God says his mercies are new every morning. Lamentations 3:23.

God starts new every morning, and so should we. You have a clean slate. Get going on creating glory and beauty!

And do the things you’ll regret not doing someday.