I remember the day I first walked into a thrift store. I had twenty dollars and needed a nightstand for our daughters’ bedroom. I’d given up my job at the newspaper, and Scott and I didn’t see eye to eye on money. He’d put me on a strict budget, and without my own job, I didn’t have much to spend. I whispered a prayer that God would provide, not just the nightstand, but peace for my hurting heart.

Giving up my writing career was warring on me. Being a writer and earning a paycheck that way, being validated that way, was a huge part of who I was at the time. But I knew I needed to stay home and raise our little ones and try to love my husband and be a good wife. As I browsed through the thrift store, there it was, a beautiful, white nightstand perfect for the girls’ bedroom. It cost $15.00.

This was the beginning of us living on less so our kids could have more. When I gave up writing, Scott gave up flying and took a teaching job for half the pay so he could be home with our family. Our real goal was to rescue our marriage, but we also wanted to become better parents, to be there for our three kids instead of pouring ourselves into our careers.

To be honest, giving up our careers, and financially comfortable life wasn’t easy. It was one of the hardest things we’ve ever done. When I stopped writing it felt like my dreams were dying. When Scott stopped flying, we had to sell our nice house and move into a small rental. I could no longer go to the mall, or shop at my favorite store, Nordstroms. Tentatively, but determinedly, I began to get what we needed for our family at thrift stores.

If the kids required new shoes or soccer cleats, I would pray for God to provide, and then hit the thrift stores. Jesus never let me down. Often the shoes or cleats I found were new, or you could hardly tell they’d ever been worn. I love good books, and thrift stores are full of great novels for fifty cents or a quarter a book. I also found nice clothing for myself for next to nothing.

We also stopped going on lovely vacations and learned to camp with our kids. Our sleeping bags came from thrift stores. I took them to the laundry mat and they were as good as new. Instead of steaks, we ate hot dogs. I finally learned how to cook rice, which my husband had been after me to do for a decade. You’d be amazed at how a side of rice at every dinner cuts the grocery bill. I also planted our first garden in the backyard. And Scott and I gave up drinking alcohol back then, and buying soda for the kids, which saved us a lot of money. It also saved us a lot of fights, since alcohol fueled our raw emotions as we struggled to save our marriage fifteen years ago.

All of these sacrifices weren’t easy. We really had to die to ourselves to make these changes, but God gave us the grace to do it. And in the midst of these lean years, miraculously, our marriage began to thrive. We often went on family walks to the park. Playing at the park was free and the kids loved being there with all of us together. We’d take a soccer ball and kick it around, our whole family enjoying the game. We also began going to church as a family. We made God a priority, embraced reading the Bible, and prayed together as a couple every morning. Our family was healing. I look back on all this and realize now what a miracle God gave us.

Material things and amazing careers cannot replace what really matters in life: faith and family and being there for your kids. Once our family grew strong, we added more children to our home. Four little boys born in eight years to us. A lot of our clothing, I still pick up at thrift or consignment stores. And Oma is so sweet to buy the boys new shoes and some nice school clothes come August. Every year we grow our own garden, and our fruit and nut trees now give us a bountiful harvest. Our sons hunt with their Opa, providing deer, ducks, doves, and wild turkey that I’ve learned to prepare in tasty ways.

When buying food, I always eat before I go to the grocery store with my list. Never go to the grocery store hungry. You will buy way more than you need because your stomach is growling. As you shop, keep a running tab in your head of what you’re spending. When I hit my spending limit, I start putting items back. If you need to take a calculator and add in each item as you place it in your cart so you know what you’re spending, do that. It’s a great way to save money. And stay away from debt. That’s a black hole for your family. If you can’t afford it, don’t buy it. If you’re in debt, focus on paying it off. That’s no fun, but once you are out of debt, you will feel so free.

The truth is, your children don’t need much to make them happy. Little kids delight in empty cardboard boxes. With a little duck tape, boxes make great forts. What kids really want is a Mommy and Daddy there to crawl around these forts with them. To be there to help with the tape and join in the laughter. Nothing you buy for your kids can replace the time you spend with them. Don’t let video games, iPhones, and iPads, computers and television raise your children. Be present for their childhood. Teach them to be decent people. They don’t need a load of toys and trips and name brand clothes, they need you.

Our four youngest boys have never been to Disneyland or flown on an airplane and this really doesn’t bother them. Their bikes are not new. I prayed, and God provided wonderful bicycles for our boys from a garage sale this past summer. When I brought these bikes home, telling my husband what I’d paid for them, he was flabbergasted. “Those bikes are really expensive!” Scott said. “I can’t believe you got them for that price. You stole them from that garage sale!”

They were top name bikes. Barely used. The thing is, I’d prayed for those bikes for months. And when I saw them in a man’s front yard in Yuba City, I had just enough cash in my purse to purchase them.

Cruz is too little to keep up on his bike with his older brothers. So after making a chariot for the chariot races at school, the boys improvised and the chariot now gets Cruz around the orchard with his brothers. Building the chariot didn’t cost a dime. The boys had their Opa help them and the parts were gathered from the farm’s salvage pile. Oma helped them paint it. For now, John leaves at home his beautiful Schwinn bicycle I got for a song at the garage sale, and rides behind Cruz in the chariot to keep him safe. Because real love sacrifices, putting others’ needs before our own.

And life doesn’t happen by chance. There really is someone in charge up there. And God wants us to live for what really matters. Not our careers. Not our own dreams, desires, and designer clothes. We are to live for others. “So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other” John 13:34.

PS: Cruz in his diaper with the hose in the top photo was taken several years ago before the drought got really bad. Playing in the sprinklers and with the hoses was once the boys’ favorite “free” past time. That’s a thing of the past for now. Please pray with me that God uses El Nino to deliver rain to California this winter.