We’re working at getting 10 month old Cruz to sleep through the night. His normal routine is snooze a few hours, nurse, snooze, nurse, snooze all night long. After nearly a year of only a few hours of sleep at a stretch, I’m worn out. Last night I put my foot down. Nursed Cruz at 11 pm, then did not pick him up again until 5 am. Scott took the night shift, and all of us listened to Cruz wail on and off until morning.

Today I’m worn out. And not just physically. Spiritually, I’m tired. Tired of the broken church. Broken marriages. Broken parents. Broken people. A bunch of worn out Christians stumbling around in a modern wilderness lacking faith and purity and above all, a wholehearted love for the Lord. Thankfully, Jesus said he did not come to heal the healthy. He came to help the sick. 

I’m sick. Unbelief has me weak and weary. I told Scott last night that I’m tired of being overwhelmed by my life. The laundry. The dishes. The chickens. The dogs. I’m tired of doing them. On top of this, our lab’s been in heat. An idiot red coyote dog destroyed the waterlines to my lilacs digging around our dog pen trying to breed her. For a week straight, I ran out in the yard yelling at this mongrel to “get home!” He came back again and again, night and day, every day for a week. The neighbors must think I’m a crazy woman. That woman with all those kids chasing stray dogs through the pasture in my pajamas. And the flu has been at our house since before Christmas.

And that’s the easy stuff.

People I love are battling cancer and divorce and wayward children tatooing their tonsils and Cruz wants to nurse all day long and he’s big enough to pull a bull uphill.

That’s what my seventy-year-old dad says. “That baby’s big enough to pull a bull up hill. When are you going to wean him?”

I really need to wean him. At least at night.

And I really need to stop using the Word of God as a crutch and start using it as” This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” Genesis 2:23. Adam said this about God forming Eve from his rib. And this should be said about us when we wholeheartedly give our lives to Christ. “Christ in you the hope of glory,”