“How will we get through this dark valley?” I asked God several days after Anna died. Our family was reeling with grief. Anna’s dad was in the hospital. Each day I drove past the scene of the accident– tall golden grass waving in the wind near an overpass– on my way down to the trauma center in Roseville.

Love will light the way, the Lord seemed to say. Each person is like a lamp. Burning with love. Illuminating your path.

I never knew how dark the valley of the shadow of death could be. I’ve lost grandparents, aunts and beloved uncles, a brother-in-law, my dear father-in-law. More friends than I want to count to cancer. I’ve been at bedsides of the dying, and gravesides of dear friends, but never have I helped bury a beautiful girl. A teenager shining with life. Everything to everyone. Our amazing Anna.

Anna— my last thought at night. First thought in the morning. Grief is like a roller coaster. Full of ups and downs, deep breaths and silent screams.

And yet I’ve seen the hand of God. And I’ve seen his love in so many ways. In so many people.

People really are jars. Love lights. Like night lights in the hallway. In the bathroom. In the bedroom. I never knew this before. That love can lead you. Through the dark. Through the pain. Through grief so thick it feels like quick sand.

Our family dressed up for Anna’s funeral. All black and blue. That’s what we wore. Black for mourning. Blue: Anna’s favorite color. Our family so bruised. So dazed. So distraught. At the end of the mass, when we followed Anna’s casket out of the church, out of our lives, it was the familiar faces filled with love as we passed by that kept us walking down that aisle. Everyone intertwined like redwoods whose roots keep each other from falling in the storm. In the rain.

Since Anna died, it has rained. Hard rain. Pounding rain. In drought-ridden California rain wetter than our tears. Wetter than our faces. This cleansing rain.

The day after the funeral we drove to our cabin. A traditional Memorial Day weekend completely un-traditional now. Rain on the road like I haven’t seen in a long, long time. Anna’s family’s cabin beside our cabin. Years of cousins playing in the meadow. Fishing in the lake. Sitting by the campfire. Now without Anna.

But love was there. Family and friends loving on us at the cabin.

And at the end of the rain, a rainbow in the meadow.

I can’t recall ever seeing a rainbow that ended in our meadow before.

And a snow flower growing in a season without snow.

When I was small, I loved hunting for snow flowers at the cabin. Snow flowers are rare. Beautiful. Special. Like Anna was special. And these delicate blue flowers thriving near the snow flower.

Blue all around. Maybe because I’m looking for blue now each day.

Most years at the cabin I never find a snow flower. Especially not in a sunny spot like our meadow. Snow flowers usually hide in deep shade, growing in snow patches that melt late in the season, but this snow flower was there without snow right at the edge of the meadow near the swing the kids grew up playing on. Anna was so good about swinging the little ones. Following them around. Being their guardian angel in the woods.

Later, I stood on our cabin’s back porch and snapped this picture of sunset through the pines.

“Can I run down to the lake and take a better picture of the sun going down?” Ten-year-old Joey asked.

I handed him my camera with tears burning my eyes.

I’ve realized after this week that I take beauty for granted. Every day, every hour, every moment, I take beauty for granted. How can this be?

Anna was such a beauty.

I’ve tacked her obituary onto this post. Anna accomplished more in her 14 years than many do in a lifetime. Please keep praying for our family. Especially for Anna’s mom Denise and dad Sean. And for Emily, Bella, and Jack. We are all facing life without Anna. And it’s unbelievably hard.

Anna Delphine O’Neill unexpectedly passed from this life on Wednesday, May 13, 2015. Born on August 19, 2000, in Sacramento, California, Anna was fourteen years old.

She is survived by her parents, Sean and Denise; her two sisters, Emily and Isabella; her brother Jack and her grandparents William and Marolyn O’Neill.

Anna attended Mount Saint Mary Academy in Grass Valley from preschool through 8th grade where her energetic spirit, her academic excellence, and her steadfast leadership will always be remembered by her family, peers, teachers, and principal. Anna’s ambitious drive and tremendous intellect contributed to her insurmountable accomplishments: valedictorian, student body president, volleyball and basketball teammate and captain, recurring winner at Nevada County writing and speech tournaments, academic decathlon team member and captain, and choraleer soloist.

At Forest Lake Christian High School, where Anna was a freshman, she had already made her mark by climbing to the top of her class. Her extracurricular achievements included playing for varsity soccer, jv volleyball, and varsity basketball. Anna was also an integral member of her chamber choir.

Anna spent her summers with her family on Peaks Island, Maine, where she sailed for their competitive sailing team, she was also an avid pier jumper.

The O’Neills have been parishioners of St. Patrick Parish for the past 15 years where Anna has served as a member of the children’s choir, as a lector, and as an altar server. Anna possessed every attribute that a parent, sibling, teacher, priest, coach, and friend would dream of and cherish. Her superior intelligence, ability to persuade, leadership abilities and quick wit will never be forgotten.

Always our angel on earth, Anna is now welcomed into Heaven, we anxiously await our reunion with her.

On May 18, 2015, the American Flag was flown over the U.S. Capitol in Washington DC in honor of Anna O’Neill. The California State Assembly will also be adjourned in her memory.

Services will be held this Friday, May 22, 2015 at St. Patrick Church in Grass Valley, CA. The Rosary will begin at 1pm with the Funeral Mass to follow at 2 pm. Everyone is welcome to attend the burial at St. Patrick Cemetery and a reception will immediately follow in St. Patrick Hall.

In lieu of flowers or gifts, we request that donations be made to the Saint Joan of Arc scholarship fund for students of Mount Saint Mary Academy. This scholarship was made in Anna’s honor to further encourage and support academic excellence. More information can be found at http://www.gofundme.com/unh99h9s. –