A blog titled, “Marriage Isn’t For You” is burning across the web. The guy who wrote it laments his selfishness and says advice from his father changed his view of marriage. “I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you,” says the father. “You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all that nonsense, but for your future children.”

The article goes on to say, “a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love– their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands ‘What’s in it for me?’ While love asks what can I give?'”

Women love this blog. And it’s easy to understand why. But is this really the truth about marriage?

Depends on who you ask. Marriage experts speaking up on the web don’t agree with this blogger’s selfless approach. “Marriage isn’t about one person’s needs,” says a Washington D.C. based licensed clinical psychologist. “One recent study conducted by Monmouth University found that couples who focus on their own personal growth, as opposed to their partner’s, are more committed and enjoy longer marriages.”

Since God created marriage in the first place, I sat down with the Bible to see what God says about holy matrimony. The world’s view of marriage is: it’s two people. Building a life together. For various human reasons. The Bible holds the view that marriage is about God. God’s plans. God’s purposes. God’s reasons for two people tying the knot.

So what are God’s reasons for marriage according to the Bible? I put together a list:

1. Companionship. It is not good for man to be alone. God made man a helper comparable to him. “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” Genesis 2:20-24.

2. Godly offspring. God wants marriages to produce children raised to know and love Him. “Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he is seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth” Malachi 2:15.

3. Passion control. Marriage is meant to keep you sexually satisfied. “For it is better to marry than to burn with passion” 1 Corinthians 7:9.

4. Satan control. Marriage is supposed to keep you out of trouble. “Therefore I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully” 1 Timothy 5:14.

Proverbs 31:10-31 lays out the blueprint for a wife’s behavior in marriage. Here are some bullet points from the Bible text for today’s woman:

* the heart of her husband safely trusts her

* she does him good and not evil all the days of her life

*she works with her hands

*she rises before dawn

*she prepares food for her household

*she girds herself with strength and strengthens her arms

*she extends her hands to the poor, yes, she helps the needy.

*her clothing is fine, she is a well-dressed lady.

*she opens her mouth with wisdom and follows the law of kindness

*she watches over her household and isn’t lazy

*her children call her blessed

*her husband praises her

*charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the LORD shall be praised.

I don’t know about you, but whenever I read about the Proverbs 31 wife, I get a little discouraged. I don’t always open my mouth and wisdom comes out. Especially on days when two-year-old Cruz dumps the fishbowl on top of his head (the fish survived) or picks up dog poop in the yard with his hands.

Well-dressed? Rarely. Torn jeans, messy ponytail, and mommy stains on my blouse, usually not a blouse. Old T-shirts are truly me. I do strengthen my arms by carrying babies around. For nearly twenty-three years either a baby or toddler has rode on my hip. Do my children call me blessed? Hardly. Sometimes they call me crazy. Does my husband praise me? Actually he does, often telling me how “hot” I look in the kitchen. Perhaps he’s seeing the steam from the potatoes I’ve mashed rising from the spuds splattered in my hair.

I watch over my household and work with my hands. When I trip over a toy, I pick it up so nobody else trips over it. I plunge the toilet almost daily, little boys using way too much paper. I wipe pee off the seat morning, noon, and night. Five boys in the house does this to a mother.

Before dawn, I wake to Cruz yelling from his crib, “Mommmmmma! Dadddda! Milk!!!” I haven’t slept past sunrise since our oldest child was born in 1991. Though, with this first child I returned to bed when she did. If you are on baby number one, I highly recommend this.

I extend my hands to the needy. Not a moment goes by someone doesn’t need something at our house. Forget taking a potty break, little hands press under the bathroom door pleading for me to come out because “MOMMY, I NEED YOU!”

Giving cash to the homeless in the Walmart parking lot makes me happy, but most of the time, I can’t find a dollar in my purse because my boys get the greenbacks before me, collecting money for school, soccer, the candy and chip machine at Daddy’s work, and McDonald’s Happy Meals because this makes the boys happy.

Most of the time, I don’t feel like a Proverbs 31 wife. I feel like a tired, haggard, hairy-legged wife, since shaving my legs is a luxury I rarely indulge in unless it’s date night and I want to dress up. One of the best pieces of personal advice I can offer younger wives is stay sweet and sexy for your man. Only your man. Sweet and sexy sealed with faithfulness goes a long way in a marriage. Whatever sweet and sexy means for your hubby. If he likes long hair, don’t cut your hair after you marry him. Ignore your girlfriends on this. Forget Hollywood trends. Trust me. It may be your hair, but he’s the one looking at you. You only see yourself in the mirror maybe morning and night. Believe me, a ponytail is fast, easy, and works great for busy mommies with husbands who prefer longer hair. Do what you can to remain appealing to him.

Read your Bible and live it out. Take tender care of your husband. Take tender care of his children. Make his home a place he wants to grow old in with you. After 25 years of marriage, that’s my ‘Marriage Isn’t For You’ advice. It may sound old-fashioned, but God’s truth never goes out of style.