I didn’t marry my husband because I thought we’d be happy. I married him because I couldn’t stand the thought of never getting over him. Of making a marriage with someone else where Scott would be that memory in my bed. That memory in my head. That memory of a man who broke my heart and held its pieces, though I’d moved on to raise a family with someone safer.

There are some bridges once crossed,  the water beneath sweeps your soul away.

So twenty-four years ago, I eloped with Scott. Keeping it secret for years. We did the whole Catholic wedding months after the elopement. By then, I was wondering if I’d made a mistake. I only went through with the wedding in California because we were already legally married in Nevada.

In my college years, I chose this backroad. Married young, a boy I didn’t think was good for me, but couldn’t live without. And we’d been lost long ago had God not found us.

To celebrate our anniversary this past week, Scott decided to drive us to our destination~ the Napa Valley~ via backroads.

Veering off at Clear Lake, we found Hidden Valley, traveled through Middletown, and climbed a spectacular, mountain road that turned my knuckles white in my lap before it dropped us into Calistoga. The road reminded me of my relationship with God.

Sometimes breathtaking. Sometimes scary. Sometimes oh so sweet and fair. Why is it we long to be close to God, and yet are afraid of Him? Afraid to open ourselves to this God of love who crucified His Son for us? This jealous God who demands blood and death as payment for sin, yet loves us so much He died in our place.

I’ve often heard people say, “Well, I can’t accept a God like this.”

Well, accept Him or not, God is who He is. God doesn’t change because you can’t accept Him. God was God ten thousand years ago, and He is God today. “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever” Hebrews 13:8.

So how does a person make peace with God?

I believe it’s the same way we drive up a mountain.

You accept the mountain is there and is what it is. A mountain. Mountains don’t change because people don’t like them in their way. Mountains were here long before us and will stand long after we are gone from this green earth.

Mountains can take life or give it. If you’ve ever walked into the mountains to live off the land, you know this deep down, to your very bones. Mountains can kill or keep you. Never go into the mountains without a humble respect for the power they hold over your life.

Mountains are beautiful and frightening. Real and dangerous. A sane person doesn’t approach a mountain and pretend it can’t harm them. Come to God confessing how real and dangerous, beautiful and frightening the Almighty is. Half the battle of giving your life to Christ is realizing God is bigger than the mountains and you are smaller than one little tree in a vast forest. Confess who you are: a sinner in need of a Savior.

Then ask God to rescue and redeem you. Make the decision to give yourself away realizing you don’t want to live without the Lord who holds your soul in His hands.

Sadly, many people will never do this. They will stay on the valley road, living a valley life, avoiding the mountains.

But the mountains are where the magic unfolds. Backroads lead to unfathomable beauty.

I’m so grateful twenty-four years ago, I took a backroad, and not only found love, but found God.