You’ve probably heard the old saying: You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family.

Well, according to Jesus, you can choose your family.

In Luke 8:19-20, the Bible says that Jesus’ mother and brothers came to see him, but were not able to get near him because of the crowd. When Jesus was told his birth family was standing outside, wanting to see him, Jesus said, “My mother and brothers are those who hear God’s word and put it into practice.”

Later, as Jesus hung on the cross, he made a decision that must have upset his birth family. It happened this way: When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, “Dear woman, here is your son,” and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time on, this disciple took her into his home. John 19:26-27.

Matthew 13:55-56 lists that Jesus had four birth brothers and several sisters, yet before he died, he placed his mother in the disciple John’s home.

There are also places in the New Testament where Jesus asks people to leave their families and follow him. Why did Jesus say and do these things concerning family?

And what does this mean for our families today?

When I became born again many of my relationships fell apart. All of a sudden Jesus became everything to me, and a lot of people who knew and loved me didn’t understand. It was a difficult time in my life, and the biggest transitions happened in my relationships. There were people I walked away from as I followed Christ, and people who walked away from me because I’d become Jesus’ friend.

Today, I still sometimes struggle with loved ones who don’t understand the choices I make for Christ. After praying about this recently, and seeking God on the matter, I realize I don’t need to stress about my family. I can let go and let God handle my family.

Jesus proclaims that a believer’s true family are those who do the will of God. This is why I think Jesus put his mother Mary in John’s home on the day he was crucified. John was a believer and Jesus’ birth brothers and sisters were unbelievers. In John 7:5 it says, “even his own brothers did not believe in him.”

Jesus made the decision to place his mother–a believer– with other believers. This teaches us the importance of surrounding ourselves with believers as well. Jesus was saying not only can you choose your friends, you can and should choose your family, too.

One of the greatest things the Holy Spirit led me to do as a new believer was to lay aside many of my unsaved relationships and build bonds with Christians. While doing this, the Lord also encouraged me to continue to love and serve family members who still wanted to spend time with me.

In 1 Corinthians 15:7 it says that during his resurrection, Jesus appeared to James (his earthly brother), then to all of the apostles. The Bible makes it clear Jesus did not give up on his unbelieving family. In fact, in Acts 1:14 it says, “They all joined together constantly in prayer, along with the women and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with his brothers.” So we see Jesus’ brothers did become believers once Jesus rose from the dead because these birth brothers were in the upper room praying for the Holy Spirit at Pentecost.

Jesus’ brother James ends up writing the book of James in the Bible. And church history tells us James was later beheaded for being a Christian. Jesus’ brother Jude also wrote a book of the New Testament.

When it comes to family, we are called to love and pray for our unsaved relatives, but we are not to put our hope and trust in those relationships. As believers, our hope and trust are in Christ alone. We need to allow God to build us a family out of the brothers and sisters we will live with for eternity.